The Michelangelo effect and why your partner might be your most important decision
How the right person can help shape you into your best self.
Vol. 14 | December 16, 2024
I’ve been thinking about this thing called the Michelangelo effect, and the more I sit with it, the more it blows my mind.
It’s one of those ideas that just sounds too good, but when you dig into it, it’s even better. So, I wanted to expand on it and see where it takes me because, if you know me, I kind of think a lot about relationships and the kind of impact they can have on our lives.
*
So, what is this Michelangelo effect?
The term comes from Michelangelo, the popular Renaissance sculptor, who believed that the perfect statue was already hidden inside a block of marble. His job was just to chip away the extra bits to reveal what was always there.
I love that so much you can’t imagine.
In relationships, the idea is kind of the same. A great partner helps you chip away at the stuff holding you back so you can become the best version of yourself or at least something closer to it. They don’t “change” you; they help you bring out your best self.
So, what is this “self” we all have?
For me, it’s about who you want to be.
And maybe even who you’re meant to be.
It’s your goals. Your values. All those things deep inside of you that you might not have even discovered yet.
It’s that version of yourself you, like me, are working toward. Maybe it’s a self that’s more confident, less stressed, happier, or someone who provides more value to the world.
And that’s where the Michelangelo effect comes in! The right partner helps you uncover and move toward that version of yourself in three big ways.
*
Seeing your potential
The first thing a good partner does is see past all the surface-level stuff. They get you (like, really get you), and they see the version of yourself you’re trying to become, even if you’re not fully there yet.
Example:
Let’s say you’ve always wanted to write a book. A great partner doesn’t just think you’re annoying or boring when you talk about it for the hundredth time. They’ll hype you up, ask what your book would be about, and maybe even remind you that the first step is just to sit down and start writing.
And they make that feel… possible.
*
Action!
They don’t just see your potential. They help you believe in it. They support you in ways that make your goals feel real, not just something you talk about.
Example:
If you’re trying to get into shape, a good partner might join you for workouts, make you a playlist for your runs, or encourage you to keep going when you’re ready to quit. They don’t just throw out some motivational lines. They’re in it with you.
*
Helping you move forward
Here’s where you start to believe in yourself and see how great you are—or can be, or who you’re becoming.
This isn’t about them doing it for you. It’s about them helping you feel confident enough to take the steps you need to take to do it yourself.
Example:
You’ve been thinking about leaving your job to try something completely different, but fear is holding you back. A great partner might help you talk through your options, encourage you to take a leap, push you to research other jobs, or just remind you that you’re capable of figuring things out no matter what happens.
*
I know these three things might sound obvious, but once you’re in a relationship, I promise you: it’s not that common!
So, what the hell am I trying to say?
I guess I’m going for the classic statement that, when I think about it, feels more true every day:
Who you choose as a partner might be one of, if not the, most important decisions you’ll ever make.
*
It’s not just about sex.
Or Netflix.
Or concerts.
Or travelling.
It’s also about:
Feeling more confident and capable.
Staying motivated to chase your goals, whatever they are.
Building a sense of trust and intimacy that makes life’s challenges a little less overwhelming.
It’s about more than just “being together.” It’s about growing together and helping each other become something better.
*
Why it matters
If you think about it, your partner is probably the person you’ll spend the most time with in your life.
So, it makes sense that they’ll have a massive impact on how your life turns out, right?
Your mood. Your habits. Your career. Even where you live or the friends or people you have around.
They influence what you eat (it’s me, cauliflower rice, hi!) or how you spend your weekends (lazy mornings in bed vs partner workouts?).
They shape what you dream about and what you actually go after.
They can either push you to grow or hold you back without even realising it.
*
This isn’t just about you.
Are you putting in the work to be the kind of person who can do this for someone else?
We all want someone amazing. But are we trying to bring that same effect to the table?
I know I am.
Are you?
*
So what now?
No one’s perfect, but here’s the short version:
Be intentional.
Show up for your partner.
Be by their side.
Support them.
Compromise for them.
Be patient.
Listen actively.
Celebrate their wins as if they’re your own.
Be vulnerable, even when it’s tough.
Work together to uncover the masterpiece you’re shaping as a team.
I’m sure it’s something worth finding out.
Two tiny thoughts
I wanted to share two things that stuck with me this week:
On measuring progress:
Measure progress. Not by the money you’ve made or the status you’ve gained but by how much love your life holds.
On truth over love, money, or fame:
“‘Rather than love, than money, than fame, give me truth.’
— Henry David Thoreau, Walden
Reject love or ambition but anchor them in something real. Without truth, love becomes performance. Without truth, money feels empty. Without truth, fame is fleeting.
Truth might not make you rich or beloved by everyone, but it will make your life your own. And maybe that’s the greatest wealth of all!
A question for you:
Who in your life is helping you uncover the best version of yourself, and how are you doing the same for them?
If you enjoyed this post, share it with someone who might enjoy the read.
Until next time!
— Alberto
Cada semana te superas
Fantástico