What do you want to want?
Rethinking our desires and the path to fulfilment.
Vol. 4 | October 07, 2024
One quote
“One of the interesting things about modern society is that it emphasises how much we should pursue success, but it often fails to question whose definition of success we are following.”
— Alain de Botton
Two reflections
Why do we want what we want?
We spend so much of our lives chasing things, but how often do we stop to ask ourselves why we want them?
Often, we're focused on achieving success but forget to reflect on whose version of success we’re pursuing. It's easy to get caught up in society’s definitions—money, status, or possessions—but we rarely question where these desires come from.
Think about it: do you really want the promotion, or is it because that's what success looks like to everyone else? Do you crave a fancy, expensive vacation because you value the experience, or because you’ve been told it’s how a successful life should look?
We rarely pause long enough to examine the roots of our wants. What if the key to fulfilment isn’t in chasing more, but in choosing to chase the things that align with who we are?
This ties back to the first issue of Peanut Butter Monday, where I explored how I believe taking action is crucial for self-discovery. You don’t really know what fulfils you until you experiment and take those first steps. Only by reflecting on our wants and trying different paths can we uncover what matters to us, our own definition of success.
Chasing validation vs. Embracing the process
We often think that flashy things—luxury cars, designer clothes, the newest tech gadgets, or the next big promotion—are valuable simply because they’re hard to attain. But here’s the thing: once you have them, you realise they don’t bring the happiness you thought they would.
Sometimes what you’re really chasing isn’t always the thing itself, but the validation that comes with it—whether it’s status, recognition, or prestige.
I’m not saying you shouldn’t want those things. But take a moment to reflect on why you want them. Is it because they align with your wants, or are you chasing what society says success looks like?
Maybe the focus shouldn’t be so much on the end result, but on the process of getting there. That’s where the real magic happens. The grind, the growth, and the daily effort—that’s where you find meaning.
You don’t build self-esteem from landing the promotion; you build it from being the person who shows up and puts in the work day after day. It’s not getting the six-pack that brings satisfaction, but being the person who hits the gym 5 times a week, or the one who commits to training for that marathon, or simply being someone who works on themselves consistently.
Chasing status symbols might never get easier, but your ability to handle the weight of those expectations can definitely improve.
And when you start judging yourself based on what you do every day—the commitments you keep and how you show up for yourself—success becomes a lot more sustainable and way more satisfying.
Getting personal
Since reading Kyle’s article, I’ve been asking myself that simple question: What do I want to want? By thinking about what matters to me and actually doing something about it, I’ve noticed a significant change in how I live my life.
This whole process has helped me stop chasing things just for validation and focus more on what feels right for me.
Now, whenever I’m feeling stuck or unsure about what to do, I return to the same question: What do I want to want? It helps me reset and reminds me of the person I aspire to be and the life I want to lead.
And the best part? I realised that my wants are actually much simpler and more attainable than I thought, and that’s such a relief. It’s one of the best realisations you can have, too.
One question for you
What do you want to want?
Share your thoughts—I’d love to know what’s on your mind.
RECOMMENDED: If this issue resonated with you, check out the blog that inspired this volume: “What Do You Want to Want?” by Kyle Eschenroeder on The Art of Manliness. It’s definitely one of the best articles I’ve read in recent years.
If you enjoyed this post, share it with someone who might enjoy the read.
Until next time!
— Alberto
P.S. I remember doing this exercise at the airport in Crete, Greece, while waiting for a delayed flight that ended up taking off at 3 a.m. I spent a good few hours reflecting on this question. Since then, I’ve come back to that page quite often. I'll attach the pic!
Soy fan tuyo